he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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