He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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