All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
