I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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