I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
