Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize