Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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