I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Found the puke drawer
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
