he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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