i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
