2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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