Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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