am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize