Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
