i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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