I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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