she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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