God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
