your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
