Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i barfeds in our rink
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
