We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
