im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Success! We fucked roommates!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize