I wish my penis had an off switch
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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