Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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