"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize