I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
