hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
