Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
