Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
