So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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