Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
