I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
