It's just like the Real World with babies
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
