Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
