I wish I only lived at night.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
