we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
