Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
