i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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