This girl is more easily done than said...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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