my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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