new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
