Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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