you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize