just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
