Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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