if i died would you start the facebook group?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
