Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
