i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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