I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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