Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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