I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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