We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i would one night stand the shit outta him
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
