My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
