We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
