we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
