hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
