my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
