I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
