just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
