so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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