she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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