He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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