great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
