Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just invented taco cereal.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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