My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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