These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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