I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Can Purell be used as lube?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
