ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
