There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
