The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
