We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
