dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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