I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
