Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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