The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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