i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
