What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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