Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
