Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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