she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
