I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
