Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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