I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
