My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
