Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
