what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
